I hit a possum with my car last night. This is the 3rd one in a row. I'm fairly certain that it was killed instantly. Those little bastards are solid because there was no doubt that I hit it and that it was a possum. There was no time for choices or decisions whatsoever. The possum ran right out into the road and under my car whereas it was creamed by my back tire. It was like running over a football but bigger. THUNK! The poor thing. I hate the fact that I ended its little possum existence and stopped it in its tracks. I had been nonchalantly cruising through my friend's neighborhood and wasn't even speeding. Those little fuckers just jet right out into the road FAST!
This issue prompted me to do a little research regarding the misunderstood (?) possum to see what is actually up with these little creatures. The standout fact: The male has a TWO-HEADED PENIS!!!! I mean...how can you beat that? Apparently the two headed penis must work rather well because these are a successful species of animal. Their territory keeps on spreading, they just can't handle anything too cold. Seems reasonable. The territory of the Virginia Possum, the only species indigenous to North America, spreads from Costa Rica all the way to Canada.
The no-nonsense possum is North America's only marsupial which means they have a pouch to carry their young. They also have 13 nipples, 12 surrounding and 1 in the middle. That would be a great jeopardy question. "I'll take Possum for $1000 Alex".
I think possums may get a bad rap due to a few wrong assumptions in addition to their kind of homely appearance. They look like they woke up on the wrong side of the tree. People assume they are dirty, rabid germ carriers. They actually have a high resistance to rabies so the likelihood of them being rabid is slight. Possums are actually beneficial to the environment; they eat rodents, snakes, spiders, roaches, snails, slugs and ticks.
I must admit, they do freak me out a bit. A couple years ago in the middle of the night I was sitting on my porch smoking and a BIG one just kind of ambled on by like it fuckin OWNED the place. Then about 1/2 hour later it ambled back by in the opposite direction its huge eyeballs bugging out of its face. It just kind of looked at me sideways like oh I'll have you when I'm ready. They seem a little shifty, but they are completely nocturnal like me. I probably have more in common with them than I know.
Opossum or Possum? Opossum is the correct term when describing the North American opossums. Possum is correct when referring to the plethora of Australian species. It is also acceptable to shorten opossum to possum in informal speech or writing.
To all opossums and possums, I implore you: stay out of the road!!!!
I sincerely apologize for killing 3 of you. I really feel like the devil.
